At 3:46 a.m. I should be sleeping. I should be cozied up in the bed I kicked the man out of three months ago, dreaming about my carefree single life. So why am I obsessively clicking the refresh button on his dating profile and cursing under my breath that he’s listed movies we watched together as his favorites?

I’ve always been a self-justifying snoop of a girlfriend. That’s not the sort of thing that makes me feel any better just because I admit it. Before the Internet created easy access I’d forage through drawers and boxes, reading letters, journals and cute little greeting cards with messages of schmoopie love. Even if I did love my boyfriend “berry much,” I’d know that I wasn’t the first woman to say it.

The first time I decided to read a boyfriend’s email account, he was in the shower. After reading his description of me in an outgoing message to a female friend as his “emotionally shipwrecked girlfriend” I cried for hours (in a very un-emotionally shipwrecked way). What’s worse is that since I’d found the message, I began snooping even more frequently. My insecurities grew.

Social networks compounded the problem. Gone was the one-stop snoop shop of the email inbox; here was a cyberspace filled with direct messages, public posts, photo tagging, and cryptic @’s.

I know what this says about me. I’m insecure. I’m clingy. I’m obsessive. My therapist and I will sort that out, thank-you-muchly. I also know that this kind of behavior will only lead to trouble. Yet it’s too easy — and tempting — to see something I shouldn’t.

In the past, I’ve had a taste of my own medicine: Exes perused transcripts of instant messaging conversations. They stored my passwords and continued to read my emails after the break-up. How dare he, right? What kind of psychotic jerk would…oh, yeah.

Why do we do this to each other? Why do we do it to ourselves? And how do we stop doing it?

I guess it’s gotta happen like any healthy lifestyle change involving restriction. Since the pharmaceutical companies are not advertising drugs that curb our desires to peek at our partners’ communications, we have to learn to squash that desire ourselves. It’s tricky because there is no positive reinforcement tool we can ask our lovers to use with us: “Andy, guess what? I didn’t eye-rape your outbox today!” will not likely result in massive amounts of praise.

Still, one step toward making this easier is to tell a new love right away about these old habits. Explain to them that you’ve been a real ass in the past and you don’t want it to happen again. To carry it further, when your fingers start itching you can talk to the person about the crap inside your head that is making you want to take a peek. Maybe they will want to show you their emails, but even if they don’t, at least you communicated about the insecurities you were having instead of playing Inspector Girlfriend.

As for me, I am planning on setting my own resolve with this one. I am done with sneaky peeks. I’m going to remind myself that the only way to stop feeling so crazy is to stop doing crazy stuff. It’s time to close the computer and say goodnight to the snooper I’ve let myself become.

(Photo by BananaStock)

Post from: Crushable

Lindsay Lohan filed a motion on Wednesday asking the judge to ban any filming of her upcoming deposition in a case that girlfriend Samantha Ronson has before the courts.

Lindsay Lohan is preparing to give testimony on Samantha Ronson’s behalf. Sam is suing her former lawyers (primarily Martin Garbus) after she lost a defamation case against Perez Hilton – Sam says her lawyers failed to adequately represent her in the lawsuit. The defamation suit alleged that Samantha Ronson was at fault for Lindsay Lohan’s 2007 arrest for cocaine possession. Lindsay would likely be asked about this arrest and her relationship with Samantha.

Lindsay Lohan’s lawyers claim that a videotaped deposition would “unduly embarrass, oppress and burden” Lindsay and that it would be illegally exploited by the media. In order to ensure Lindsay’s privacy in these matters, her lawyers have also asked that no transcript or description of the deposition be entered into public record. A private location for the deposition has also been requested.

A judge will consider Lindsay’s motion in November.

You can download the motion here.

Via NY Daily News, People

Post from: Crushable