Crushable » reality tv

Joan Rivers Gets Stoned, Calls Her Daughter And Laughs A Lot

Amanda Chatel — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 20:57:34 +0000

As someone who’s never seen Joan & Melissa, I’m not really sure of the premise. I get that it’s supposed to be a reality show, but like with most “reality” shows, there’s more scripted entertainment than reality going on in it.

On last night’s episode, in an attempt to deal with the parents of Melissa’s boyfriend, Joan decides she needs to get good and stoned. Although it’s probably easier just to reach for the bottle, sometimes it’s a good idea to mix up your personal coping aids.

Joan manages to get a prescription for medical marijuana to deal with all the anxiety of having Melissa’s boyfriend’s parents in town, then goes out and buys a pipe with a pig on it. The strain of pot she got her hands was called “Louis XIII,” which I’ve never heard of, but it sounds like it might be good.

Like any other stoner, Joan and her buddy pull off to the side of the road to smoke their weed, but unlike any other stoner, they use matches instead of a lighter. We all know trying to smoke pot with matches is just annoying. After the pot kicks in, she calls Melissa, eventually decides to go swimming with her clothes on and basically does all the things you hope that a nice strong strain of weed would do to you.

I rarely find Joan Rivers funny, but this is somewhat hysterical.

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City Of Hoboken Rejects Film Permit For JWoww And Snooki’s Jersey Shore Spinoff

Jamie Peck — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:59:18 +0000

I’ve got some bad news for fans of The Jersey Shore’s most entertaining cast members. The city of Hoboken has rejected a film permit for Snooki and JWoww‘s Jersey Shore spinoff, Don’t Stop Now, You’re Almost To New York. Seriously, Why Would You Want To Live In Hoboken?

In a letter posted to the city’s website, mayor Dawn Zimmer wrote:

Based on protecting public safety and quality of life concerns for Hoboken residents, the city has denied a film permit for a spin-off of The Jersey Shore to be filmed in public locations.

As it turns out, you’re not allowed to film in residential areas of Hoboken past 11pm, making the city a less-than-ideal location for the infamous guidettes’ 24/7 hijinx. Additionally, Zimmer cited concerns over the fact that 495 Productions had previously filmed the show without proper permits, although she did not go into much detail:

Any attempts to film in a manner that is not permitted without a permit will be dealt with immediately and aggressively by the city of Hoboken.

These are all reasonable enough concerns, but I suspect they’re covering up a larger issue, which is that Hoboken doesn’t need that as part of its image right now. Located convenient commuting distance from the city, Hoboken has just started to draw some hip young people who are willing to forgo New York’s cachet for the allure of cheap rent, lots of room, and a main commercial strip that is actually not bad (I checked out some music there the other day!), and I’m pretty sure a Snooki and JWoww show would make them run the other way to Hoboken’s arch-nemesis, Jersey City. It remains to be seen whether D-Zimms will successfully pawn the show off on JC.

(Via NJ.com)

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Jersey Shore Field Notes 5.2: The Unbearable Sadness Of Vinny

Jamie Peck — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 18:02:07 +0000

Jersey Shore Field Notes are a detailed account of MTV’s hit show. As written by an anthropologist.

0:35: Vinny compares his emotions to a washing machine, one of few frames of reference through which he processes the world.

1:33: The male specimens sit around emoting around the concept of “home.” They urge Vinny to stay with the group.

2:14: Vinny speaks of feeling “burnt out, like a car on fumes,” says he is starting not to think rationally. (“Starting.”) Is it taxing for his species to live at the beach?

2:30: The Situation introduces Paula, his “friend with benefits,” as a “sweet girl” BUT “a sure thing.” Interested in what this type of construction implies.

4:06: Snooki expresses concern over “her man” catching cooties from Mike “the Situation”‘s clothing.

4:33: Jionni offers to trade his culinary services for the loan of Mike’s shirt.

5:05: Snooki expresses agitation over this male bonding exchange: “I didn’t know this was gonna be like, a cook festival.” The female refuses food, retreats to her room. Her mate follows.

5:44: The Situation brings food to Jionni, further agitating Snooki.

6:52: Pauly enters Ronnie’s sleeping area, engages in homosocial cuddling.

7:50: Deena and Sammi arrive at the Shore Store and inform the boss Vinny has taken to his bed, “is going through a lot of issues and problems.”

8:15: Snooki calls Jionni on the duck phone. He tells her she drinks too much alcohol and he does not want her “falling over” again. She worries he does not “respect who she is.”

9:14: Vinny arrives at work late, presses t-shirts, comments that he “still got it.”

10:00: Vinny informs the boss he has clinical anxiety, but reassures him of his desire to “keep the wheels rolling.”

12:00: Pauly takes Vinny for a “man’s day, getting mani pedis, etc.” Expresses desire to “go the extra mile” for him.”

13:00 Pauly asks for Vinny’s name on his fingernail, expressing his eternal commitment (no homo).

13:42: Pauly states that on returning to New Jersey from Italy, he “got excited,” “burnt his whole face off” while tanning: “It peeled, and then I exfoliated, and then burnt the part that I peeled. I can’t move my face.”

14:22: The Situation posits Pauly’s “GTL endurance” is down.

15:00: Deena expresses her excitement over going to the club via a series of high-pitched shrieks.

16:00: JWoww reminds Snooki not to flash her ass at the club if she wishes to retain her mate.

17:00: The specimens reacclimatize quickly to their natural club environment.

18:37: Snooki falls down, which Jionni has warned her not to do.

19:00: Snooki’s ass reappears, further agitating Jionni.

19:22: Pauly has met a girl who is “DTF.”

19:52: “Going to a loud crazy club is not the best thing to do when you’re having anxiety.” -Vinny

20:15: The Situation compares his umpteenth taking home of “sure thing” Paula to a hail Mary pass. He seems untroubled by the logical inconsistency of this statement.

21:00: Pauly generously offers to use the smush room to copulate so as not to disturb Vinny.

22:00: It’s 4am. Vinny expresses distress over the fact that the cab company cannot retrieve his female for over an hour, despite the fact that he has finished copulating with her.

22:50: Vinny’s female stumbles disorientedly around the living room in search of her shoes.

23:00: Vinny puts her in the cab sans shoes, telling her they are in the cab. (They are not.)

24:00: Pauly D can’t find his diamond chain, either. Has a worm hole opened up in the shore house?

24:40: Snooki accuses Vinny’s female of stealing his chain, storing it in her rectum, because that’s what she would do.

25:50: Vinny’s female reappears with his chain around her neck, “glinting in the sunlight, looking all perfect.”

26:16: Vinny blames the mix-up on the “nasty ass smush room.”

27:00: Pauly institutes a new hug/pat down policy on his female guests to ensure the safety of his various gold chains.

28:00 Ronnie takes Vinny on a boardwalk bro-date in an attempt to cheer him up. They play rigged games of skill together, winning a stuffed animal in the process.

28:50: Vinny appreciates the effort, but is “a little beyond that point right now.” Not even words on the posteriors of females can cheer him up.

28:55: Vinny wonders what you do if you don’t want to go to a club.

30:30: Snooki asks Vinny to describe his feelings to her. He says he is “not myself” when drinking. Snooki feigns understanding.

32:15: Vinny’s sadness is beginning to affect the more sensitive specimens in the house: Snooki, Deena.

32:50: Pauly says his face is better but it still hurts to make out. (This has not stopped him.)

33:00: Sammi accidentally aspirates her own perfume.

34:23: The specimens gather and elect Pauly to speak with Vinny about his sadness. They leave the two alone in the house together.

35:00: Vinny uses the duck phone to call a female, ask her to “come get me.”

35:33: Pauly expresses frustration over his inability to understand Vinny’s emotions of “sadness.” The two exchange meaningful glances while neo-emo-punk music plays.

37:00: Pauly is unwilling to let Vinny go, but ultimately relents.

37:38: Everyone else is at the club, but Vinny’s absence is making them melancholy. They do shots and begin to feel better.

38:30: Pauly’s sad face is making Vinny sadder.

39:00: Pauly expresses confusion over simultaneously “not wanting [Vinny] to leave” and “helping [Vinny] pack.”

39:50: Pauly really doesn’t want his dude to leave him.

40:20: Vinny has left. Pauly poses the existential question of “what do I do now?”

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Alexa Chung Hosts 24 Hour Catwalk, But What’s Up With The Snakes?

Amanda Chatel — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 21:59:33 +0000

I’m sure you’ve been sitting around trying to figure out exactly what the world needs for 2012. Well think no more, because Alexa Chung is about to take care of that for you.

Because there aren’t enough fashion design reality shows out there, Lifetime has decided to add yet another to their roster. 24 Hour Catwalk will premiere Tuesday January 10th and will be hosted by Madewell darling Alexa Chung.

Similar to Project Runway, the designers will duke it out with their collections and eventual runway presentations. However unlike Project Runway, the designers have only 24 hours to produce their clothes. Exactly what type of quality product can be produced in 24 hours is going to be a treat for the eyes to say the least. As with every fashion-based series, you can bet you’ll see cattiness galore, deceit, diva behavior and glorious dramatic fits.

And what’s a design show without judges? 24 Hour Catwalk has somehow roped in Cynthia Rowley, fashion editor Derek Blasberg and publicist James LaForce to do the judging. And to keep things nice and spicy, they’ve also added some snakes. That’s right, snakes. What snakes are doing on a reality show besides Fear Factor is anyone’s guess, so this means you’ll have to watch and see. All we know is that the participants are asked to open a trunk and voila! Snakes, and quite lovely ones (see below).

The last designer standing who was able to woo the judges and get past the reptiles will win a $10,000 prize from CoverGirl and Herbal Essence. Let’s hope the lack of sleep and the face-to-face meeting with the slithering buggers will have been worth it.

(photos via Lifetime)

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5 Facts About The New Bachelor‘s Best Contestant: Blogger Jenna Burke

Meghan Keane — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 17:01:25 +0000

Last night on the premiere of the new season of The Bachelor, the world got to meet a whole new cast of women out to win bachelor Ben Flajnik‘s affections. Most of them were the predictably forgettable tanned dental hygienists and account managers of seasons gone by. But producers outdid themselves by casting the show’s first Blogger contestant.

Jenna Burke describes herself as a freelance writer, but ABC simply lists her occupation as “Blogger.” We suspect that means she is “unemployed,” but she is certainly a reality TV force to be reckoned with. Here’s what we learned about Jenna last night.

1. Carrie Bradshaw is her spirit animal.

When Jenna first comes on screen, the producers show her typing on a laptop at a cafe with a wine glass. (Because bloggers can never be filmed at rest without a laptop. Duh.)

Clearly, Jenna doesn’t mind the cliche, as this is the first thing we see her typing:

What does LOVE really mean?

What comes next? This gem:

Do I believe in soul mates? No.

Do I believe in true love?

Cue Louboutin shopping.

2. She cannot hold her liquor.

Producers on reality shows love to give contestants access to liquor and turn them loose in front of the cameras. This was a losing battle for Jenna, who was clearly drunk/blacked out for most of the first episode.

And her drunkeness caused the following bon mots:

“The girl who attacked me. Emotionally!”

“I preach ‘No looking back’ ALL THE TIME.”—

“We’re a girl. Maybe we can share a tampon sometime.”

“I don’t wanna be like this, I don’t wanna be like this. People here are awful, they’re mean people … I gave everything. This is not … supposed to feel! I’m a mess. I’m the girl that was like serious about this, not the girl that is like wanting fame out of this. I’m the girl that got hurt out of this!”

“…I think I messed up”

3. She may not be a real blogger

Is there such a thing as a real blogger? I’m not sure. But Jenna’s writing is stretched pretty thin. She calls herself “The Over-Analyst” and has a blog to prove it, but a quick glance at the site proves she’s much better on TV than on the internet.

Her favorite blog catchphrases include “your default text,” because she hasn’t finished designing the homepage of her site. Apparently ABC put the kibosh on her blogging habit, because there aren’t any new post after September, when the show started filming. And before that, the site is full of short filler posts on all manner of random fashion ephemera.

The best part of the whole site is how she describes herself:

I enjoy analyzing. It’s one of the things people may consider a problem, yet it’s one of the things I really like to do. I think it makes us more interesting and leads us to new discoveries. Overanalyzing happens because you really have a deep interest in learning about life, the good and the bad. I embrace my desires, I feel inspired and I witness the beauty. – JENNA BURKE -

4. Have you ever met a tan blogger?

I never have. But Jenna likes tanning almost as much as she loves ombre hair.

5. Things are only going to get worse for Jenna/better for us.

Here’s this tip from Chris Harrison’s blog on how things are going to go for Jenna on next week’s show:

I would love to tell you this story has a happy ending and Jenna redeems herself with a strong showing next week but… that’s just not what happens.

Yessss.

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Taylor Armstrong Filed For Divorce So Bravo Would Let Her Back On Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

Jamie Peck — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 20:00:58 +0000

We already knew that Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills star Taylor Armstrong filed for divorce before her husband Russell‘s suicide. This was probably a wise move; their marriage was deeply troubled, and Russell had become physically abusive towards her. But apparently, the thing that finally made her want to go through with it was not her fear for her own personal safety, but fear of being booted from the Real Housewives franchise.

According to Radar, the show’s producers did not want the Armstrongs on the show anymore after the currently airing season finished filming, because Russell was constantly threatening to sue over public discussion of his marital problems. (I suppose fear of being held responsible for injuries inflicted on Taylor did not cross their minds.)

“Bravo and NBC decided that Russell and Taylor were more trouble than they were worth, and decided to end filming with them, as soon as it became apparent that Russell was going to continue down that path,” a source told Radar. “Taylor decided to pursue the separation first, but then she thought to get back on the show, she would need to file for divorce, so that she could appear on the show again, if she promised executives that she was leaving him for good.”

This sounds believable, considering recent episodes of RHBH have focused on Russell’s litigiousness; on the most recent one, Russell sent Camille Grammer a letter saying he was going to sue her for defamation for her discussion of his abusive behavior towards his wife. It’s sad that it took the threat of being cast from the spotlight to get Taylor to leave an abusive marriage, but maybe this just adds heft to her assertion that being on reality tv saved her life.

(Via Radar)

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Brad Goreski Is Not Retired. But He’s Still Losing The Rachel Zoe Cat Fight

Corynne Steindler — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 21:07:39 +0000

Rachel Zoe’s uber gay former assistant Brad Goreski is striking back at his mentor in the name of publicity for his new Zoe-Free Bravo show It’s a Brad, Brad World. Basically, Brad’s pissed that Rachel called him out on being a user and is responding by being insanely passive aggressive towards her as a means to promote his new show.

But Brad could stand to learn a bit from his former boss when it comes to public cat fighting.

Rachel Zoe is a lightning rod in the fashion world. People love to hate her. But with Brad leaving her to do a solo Bravo show and then trash talking her to promote it, he’s actually making her look good.

In a recent episode of The Rachel Zoe Project, the stylist to the stars claims Brad left her business under the guise that he wanted to spend time with his boyfriend and his dogs. But according to RZ, what Brad really wanted to do was to steal all her clients and get his own show. Needless to say, Brad was not happy about this (completely accurate) characterization of him.

So, Rach’s former bestie responds by doing the bitchiest thing anyone can ever do: stirring the pot in all of the publicity he’s doing for his show. In interviews, he’s playing the “I’m so nice and I just don’t understand what the problem is” card, thereby hoping to make himself look completely innocent and, even better, make Rachel look completely insane. And in a promo for his show, he even claims he has no clue why the formerly inseparable duo don’t speak any longer, or why hasn’t been invited to see the new baby. Yeah, we’re not buying it.

Brad clearly knows why Rachel’s angry. And considering he’s still using her (much bigger) name to promote his show, he must have some understanding of her frustrations, right? Apparently not so much.

In his recent interview with Serious Radio podcast The Six Pack, Rachel’s prote-gay laughs at the idea that he “would assist somebody for three years and then decide to retire and become a housewife” insisting that the point of working for Rachel “was that so one day when I felt like I had the tools” to start his own styling business. And, evidently, competing reality show on the same network.

The icing on the passive-aggressive cake is when Brad wishes Rachel “100% well on all the things that she’s doing” but says, “it’s unfortunate and disappointing that she felt that she needed to speak of me that way.” It’s kind of infuriating.

In the end, Brad can spew this maddening fake clueless attitude all over the place, but it seems likely RZ will get the last cackle. Why? Because being an honest, hilarious bitch totes trumps being a fake nice user any day.

Oh and PS, Brad: It makes for better TV too.

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Work Of Art‘s Michelle Matson Tells Us About Last Night’s Episode (And Sabotage)

Meghan Keane — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 23:32:06 +0000

This season on Work Of Art, we’ve been intrigued by one contestant (art-testant?), who only learned how to walk without crutches a month before the show began taping. A Williamsburg resident, Michelle Matson and her boyfriend were run over by a car in Brooklyn one night a year ago this October. They both sustained TERRIBLE injuries that were brutally documented by The Village Voice in August, before the show began taping. But the most disturbing part of this story was the fact that the perpetrator was never really pursued or arrested.

Michelle seemed like someone we could know. (And in fact, we sort of did. She’s friends with our writer Jamie Peck.) Also, she came out of the gates super strong at the beginning of this season, and was super easy to root for. Michelle won a few of the early challenges and seemed like the front runner. Which made it all the more surprising when she got kicked off the show last week.

We caught up with Michelle to talk about last night’s episode, her final challenge and the reasons that her former competitor Young is kind of a fucker.

I’m curious about your last episode. Were you surprised to go out on a car challenge? It was a little surprising that you didn’t go personal on that one. Did you not want to go there again?
I was surprised but not that shocked that I was sent home on the last challenge. I felt that there were several pieces that were equally as bad (if not worse) than mine. No one even called Young out for making that terrible robot piece… that was absurd to me. I wish that I had exhibited one of my other pieces instead, either one of them would have been stronger than the car piece I ended up showing. I dunno…it felt calculating and kinda exploitive to bring up my accident for this challenge. It felt wrong to me.

Perhaps it was financially foolish not to trot out my personal trauma for this particular challenge, but then again Fiat was the sponsor… I don’t see how a negative message about their product could ever result in a winning piece.

I had only started walking without the aid of crutches or a wheelchair a month prior to filming – I still have a lot of anger about the accident. It was a hit and run, my boyfriend and I were hit while riding our bicycles and left for dead. I was hospitalized for a month, and our injuries were really SEVERE. The police found the car that hit us the night of the crash but never decided to make any arrests…. the owner of the car claimed he lost his keys at a bar. I hate cars. I don’t understand how I could make a piece of art in 10 hours (while being interrupted for filming and interviews) that could give justice to all that. Entering the challenge from such an emotional place would have given the cameras a wonderful teary breakdown, which I’m sure they would have loved, but I’m not really interested in that kind of exposure.

Bravo showed Young telling you to use the happy/sad car instead of your fogged up window piece before the gallery show. It kind of seemed like sabotage. Did you think so? Did you trust certain people more than others on the show?
In retrospect, I wish that I had not listened to Young’s advice. He was competing AGAINST me, Young is smart and very calculating- of course he would encourage me to put in my weakest piece. In the beginning of last night’s episode he clearly said that he thought I would be eliminated for the car challenge… it seemed very manipulative to say such a thing after advising me to put in that particular piece. Everyone was reaching out for opinions, but maybe I should have held my cards closer to my chest. Note to self: always listen to your gut!!!

Was everyone gunning for Young? He’s won so many challenges now.
It’s a shame that the show didn’t spread the prize money around- like first, second & third place… I guess that wouldn’t make for very exciting TV. I didn’t necessarily agree with a lot of the judges decisions. Young’s work is effective and usually fulfills the challenge requirements, but it isn’t always the most visually appealing or interesting piece in the room. For whatever reason, Young’s pieces are less easily criticized. He has played a smart game so far and has been financially rewarded for it. Fucker.

Is Lola really a manipulative person, or is all that editing?
Lola is one of my favorite people on the show, she is brilliant and funny as hell. She is pretty competitive, but I wouldn’t categorize her as manipulative. I think Lola is amusing herself within her circumstances, and she is being genuinely creative and responding to the challenges. Some of the other contestants are pretty wide-eyed and naive. In contrast, Lola appears manipulative, but I think that’s just the result of putting someone that’s extremely sharp next to someone who’s brain maybe doesn’t operate that way.

Do you know what secret Lola told the little girl last night that made her cry?
I do not think Lola’s secret caused the toddler to have a meltdown, I’m sure that was the result of baby-needs-a-nap. This was totally an editing department creation- they seem to delight in creating characters out of us.

Is there anyone you thought went home too early or stayed too long?
I went home way too early!!!

Any predictions for the top three?
Ok. What I HOPE will happen for the top three:
Lola, Young, Kymia

What I WISH would happen for the top three:
Lola, Kymia and ME!!! ( I totally would have killed it.)

(Photo: Bravo)

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I Give Up: They Are Making A Magazine Solely About Reality TV

Jamie Peck — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 20:44:53 +0000

The tabloid media has long cherished reality TV stars for their extreme accessibility and trainwreck-like hold on our collective attention, so it comes as no surprise that American Media (publisher of such fine periodicals as Star and Ok!) would want to take things a step further by giving them a whole damn magazine. According to The New York Times, the somewhat Orwellian-sounding Reality Weekly will report not on “reality,” per se, but the fake fights, hot bods, and untreated narcissistic personality disorders of our nation’s most fame-hungry individuals.

Unlike those unwieldy magazines of yore that were based around boring “words” and tough-to-read “sentences,” Reality Weekly will cater to America’s declining literacy rate with big, pretty pictures and not much else. “You don’t even have to read it to know what’s going on,” editor Richard Spencer told the Times. Hooray! The magazine should be a financial boon to the struggling industry, as well. In a world in which it’s tough to find even one job in publishing, a bunch of AM employees now have two! And they didn’t even have to apply! Just look at how overjoyed they are at this news:

So overjoyed.

(Via The New York Times)

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‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’ Season 3 Reunion: Part 2 Recap

Hannah Rose — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 21:17:55 +0000

We have finally reached the end of the season 3 Real Housewives of New Jersey saga. After watching this, I felt the urge to throw back a few Fabullinis and take a relaxing bath, thinking, “Thank God it’s over.” Yet, with all the new revelations on the reunion, I just can’t wait for season 4! It’s a sick, vicious cycle and Andy Cohen has me hooked! From Christening brawl to Friendsgiving to the Ashlee/Jacqueline drama to Christmas to the Dominican Republic to the cookbook meltdown mudslinging, it’s been… interesting. Without further ado, let’s attempt to sum up this crazy season! P.S. Check out Dina’s response to the Caroline issue in the first slide!!

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