(Muahahahaha. Or something.)

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RIP Steve Jobs. He was truly a visionary, and he forever changed our understandings of technology. So much of his innovative work is forever embedded in pop culture—in fact, most people heard of his death after a long battle with pancreatic cancer over one of his inventions.

His impact was so universal that a bevy of celebrities commented on his passing over Twitter. (Not to be outdone, Steve’s fellow tech executives had much to say in memory of him as well.)

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• Westboro Baptist Church Picketing Steve Jobs’ Funeral Is Just Ridiculous
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• College Journo Bites Back at Nasty Steve Jobs Email

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Lindsay Lohan is one of those people who has at least nine tattoos, and yet doesn’t appear tattooed at all. And no, it’s not because they’re in naughty places — they’re all in plain sight if you know where to look, including her new inexplicable Billy Joel tattoo. They seem to be indicative of high or low (mostly low) points in the star’s career and personal life, where she often thinks she’s on top when things are going haywire, or she makes a big deal out of small setbacks. With that in mind, we inspect LiLo’s body art, from girly hearts and stars to pretentious quotes.

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• Miley Cyrus Tries To Alienate Her Fanbase More With New Gay Equality Tattoo
• Did A Pregnant Angelina Pivarnick Get Tattooed on ‘NY Ink’?

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So, Samantha Ronson got her first booking photo, for a DUI. Mazel tov? She marked the occasion by giving the camera some major attitude with this look of “psh, I don’t care.” (She probably doesn’t.) As annoying as that might initially be, it’s better than the pathetic, tear-streaked, dazed mugshots we’ve seen from the likes of Nick Nolte, Snooki, and… well, Ronson’s ex Lindsay Lohan.

I should clarify, since there are four LiLo booking photos in existence. It seems that with each arrest (photos go clockwise from bottom right), Lohan is less and less worried about the crime. While she started out with a Nolte-esque expression on her face, she almost seems to recognize the camera. It’s like saying hello to an old friend you haven’t seen in a while.

That’s what Ronson’s got going on: The coloring of the first Lindsay paired with the ‘tude of the last Lindsay. And her eyes are kind of a little scary, no?

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• Samantha Ronson’s Eulogy for Amy Winehouse
• Samantha Ronson, Are You Okay?
• Star Shrinking: Does Sam Ronson Have A Savior Complex?
• Check Out ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’ Husband Joe Giudice’s Mugshot
• Celebrity Lookalikes: 7 Things Nic Cage’s Booking Photo Resembles

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“Why be sad for a loser junkie. Be sad for a person who has cancer who wants to live. Get off the bandwagon.”

Someone just tweeted this at me in response to my post which said “I’m not sure how anyone with a soul can make jokes about the passing of one of the most talented artists this generation will see.”

It still shocks me when i read things like that. Why do we “have” to ONLY be sad for people suffering from terminal diseases? Does that mean I shouldn’t be sad when someone gets lung cancer after smoking 3 packs a day for 30 years? or AIDS from unprotected sex or IV drug use? Is there a guideline I can download off the internet somewhere that can tell me what/who I am allowed to show emotion over? I want to make EVERYONE happy.

But she switched from snark to sincerity when talking about Amy and her music:

I woke up to the news of Amy Winehouse’s passing and I’m actually surprised at how sad I am. It is always sad when someone passes, whether it be too soon or not, but this feels different, to me. Sadly, her death does not come as a shock to most due to her public struggles with addiction, but still it’s a shock to me. She almost seemed invincible to me, she always seemed to clean up just in time, until today.

I never had the privilege of meeting her, I had moved to LA when my brother was working with her.  My brother and I are close and I love being in the studio with him, so, had I been within range, I most certainly would have been annoying him daily. I, of course, since heard stories etc… how “rehab” came to be, and i saw her perform once at the highline ballroom in nyc and she was amazing. She just stood there and sang her heart out, no frills, just an amazing band and songs.

yup, those songs…. heartbreaking and honest. and i guess that’s who she was. and i’m sad to know that there won’t be anymore songs. so it shouldn’t matter how she died… she’s gone and will be missed by many.

Related posts:

• Amy Winehouse: A Musical Retrospective
• A Eulogy for Amy Winehouse from Someone Who Knew Her Only Through the Tabloids
• Samantha Ronson, Are You Okay?

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• What does Reese Witherspoon‘s unfortunate stomach tattoo look like to you? (BuzzFeed)

• Surprisingly, it was Nikki Williams who went after hubby Weston Cage with a bottle, not the other way around. (TMZ)

• Justin Timberlake is planning a talent competition over his recently-acquired MySpace. (Celeb Dirty Laundry)

• Samantha Ronson‘s new girlfriend Erin Foster better watch her back, since Sam still lives next door to ex Lindsay Lohan. (Lainey Gossip)

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Hey now, looks like it’s not all overparenting and sanctimony for Gwyneth Paltrow: sometimes she also likes to have a good laugh at the expense of people less fortunate than her! Such was certainly the case yesterday, when Gwyn retweeted this missive from Samantha Ronson. Well, now that it’s all out in the open, what else is there to do but take a look back at Gwyneth’s old GOOP post about stripping?

Strip!

Eastern mystics have been saying it for years, and now Western health experts have finally begun to acknowledge the exercise benefits of stripping. Classes are cropping up nearly everywhere in the world — in places like London, New York, and even the Hamptons. Some women like to call this form of exercise simply, pole dancing, but I think incorporating all the classic elements of stripping really helps me reach the workout’s full body and mind potential.

My beloved instructor, the world-famous exotic dancer the Duchess of Devonshire Misty-Jo Honeypot, encourages me to truly get myself into the mindset of a real stripper for our workouts. So I’ve chosen the persona of Penyth Gwaltrow, a young woman who’s dancing to put herself through a second MBA at Oxford University’s Said Business School. She’s rejected her father’s millions, determined to earn her own way by dancing at London’s most exclusive nightclubs. My dear friend Madonna will sometimes come over and pretend to be the jealous older stripper who’s past her prime, and our ensuing catfights will effectively burn another 300 calories.

I have seven poles placed throughout my home, in case the urge to shake a tail feather or two should suddenly strike me while I’m in the billiard room, or in the foyer, or on the smaller deck off the main deck’s main deck. Most people like to strip to pre-recorded music, but I find that having a live band gets my heart rate up to a place where I’m reaping real cardio benefits. Sometimes I’ll invite my husband’s band, Coldplay, to set up in the living room. Once, Sir Elton John accompanied me with a stirring rendition of “Bennie and the Jets” that the London Review of Books called “momentous.”

One of the most important elements of maximizing the workout potential of stripping is, of course, wearing the proper clothing. I’ve found that with the right kind of adhesive, the top portion of a Faberge Egg makes a really lovely pasty. Additionally, a nice way to put a twist on the classic clear-bottom platform heel is by using imported sea glass instead of plastic. And if we’re talking thongs, you’d be a fool to go with anything other than Victorian lace.

I can’t overestimate the value of incorporating yoga poses into your exotic dancing. Once you can downward-facing dog while suspended in the air, you can downward-facing dog anywhere, like at the beach in Monaco or in the Oval Office. My dear friend Sting and I recently founded a charity where our employees go out into inner cities and teach strippers yoga, because even those less fortunate than us should be able to attain spiritual insight and tranquility.

If, at the end of a 30-minute session, I’ve made $75,000 or more by stripping, I’ll consider my workout a success.

(image via Joe Coscarelli)

Related posts:

• Fan Fiction: A GOOP Response from Gwyneth Paltrow’s Gardener, José
• Fan Fiction: Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP
• The Best Of Gwyneth Paltrow And Friends’ GOOP Advice For Ignoring Your Children

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