Post from: Crushable

Post from: Crushable

• “Now that you have a job, you can afford a gym membership.”
• “Did you brush your teeth?”
• “I’m so glad you have bigger hips … all the better for birthin.”
• “I was thinking: If something every happened to you, I’d need an alibi.”
• “Make me laugh.”
• “I don’t love you, I never have and I never will.”
• Reader: “It’s so nice to wake up next to you.” Ex-boyfriend: “Why? Isn’t it like being on your own? You’re sleeping anyway.”
• “I always thought you were the female version of me.”
• “No one will love you as much as I do.”

We know you have some good lines in your arsenal. Share ‘em with us! Leave your comments below, and we’ll jump in too.

Post from: Crushable

Post from: Crushable

Post from: Crushable

• From “J”: I actually have a major crush on my friend’s boyfriend now (this is prob not a good story). I blush even talking about him because he is so damn good looking. My friend and I were out having drinks a couple of weeks ago, and as she started to talk about him, I started smiling uncontrollably, and my face and ears felt like they were on fire (might have been the alcohol)! I had to confess to her at that moment that I had a crush on him. She laughed about it then, but I was with the two of them last weekend and I was self conscious that she was getting territorial w/ her man because of my recent confession. And I was afraid he knew as well! I fawned over him after learning our birthdays were two days apart and we were both drinking the same beer.

From “W”: Ah! have I ever…? Yes, and I guess I felt so freaking guilty even though my friend was using the dude, and she was very upfront about it. He was a sensitive, smart wrestler in college. He would text me all the time, sometimes to ask advice about my friend, sometimes to flirt with me. This was a constant thing in my life… my friends’ boyfriends would like my super hot friends but filled in the void of intellectual conversation with me. I ended up trying to stay away, trying not to talk to him, even though he’d ask me for dinner and drinks all the time. When my friend ended up dumping him I actually said yes to one of his invitations. We got really drunk, he told me he liked me a lot, the next day I realized it would be too complicated (at the end of the day friends being comfortable with other friends dating their exes only happens in How I met Your Mother or Gossip Girl) and I decided to avoid him. Five days later I started dating someone else.

From “H”: When I was studying abroad, my friend Dani met this adorable and outgoing local and began dating him. I had a HUGE crush on said local and in typical me fashion, I handled it by becoming his favorite drinking buddy/BFF. There were countless (tipsy) times when I wanted to tell him (or kiss him), but I never said a word or acted on it out of fear of hurting Dani or freaking him out. When I returned to the States, they broke up but he and I continued a friendship for years. Last year I traveled to his country on business and we met up. He confessed that he was in love with me –not Dani!—but was afraid of ruining our friendship. Doh. Now he’s married with two kids. He offered to leave his wife and come back to the States with me…proving himself to be someone I wouldn’t want to be with anyway!

We want to hear more stories! Got anything good? You can always shoot us an email at submissions@crushable.com.

Post from: Crushable

• When are married couples happiest? Lemondrop investigates the crucial 2-year, 11-month mark. (Lemondrop)
• Say what? Young people don’t know jack about birth control. (XX Factor)
• An inquiring guy wants to know: What’s the best way to ask a woman to have casual sex with me? (Nerve)
• 10 Steps to orgasming without a vibrator. (Em & Lo)
• File under HAHAHAHAHA. Hulu has an instructional video on How To Get A Guy To Call You. (Jezebel)

Post from: Crushable

Like any Southerner, Adam was full of catchphrases that to this day still linger in my lexicon. If you ever hear me say words and phrases like “boff,” “preaching to the choir” or “I think he just gave me the skunk eye,” you can blame Adam. In the cultural hell hole that is Syracuse, New York, hanging out with Adam was like a daily vacation to west Texas, a place where pit barbecue was a delicacy and marrying your college sweetheart was the norm.

I had high hopes for Adam and I. Syracuse winters being what they are, we spent most of our time in his large apartment in Solvay, a part of Syracuse that was as townie as you could get. When we weren’t having sex or watching The Simpsons, we cuddled up on his giant, thrift store couch – often with bowls of Cap’n Crunch — as he told stories about growing up Baptist in Texas. He also did things that I would never in my right mind do, like eat at Applebee’s. It was a mind-expanding semester.

When school let out, Adam stayed up in Syracuse to work as lifeguard, which for a writer who wanted to read the complete works of Robert Walden while getting paid, was a dream job. Young love being what it is, I visited often. Adam and I were in lurve and we would do anything to stay that way. I took many a Greyhound bus that summer up to Syracuse, spending sometimes just a day or so hanging around the pool and watching Adam down Grand Slam breakfasts at Denny’s. If class were a couple, we were it.

One afternoon I was hanging around the pool, and like most days not a single person came to enjoy its tranquility.

“Hey Pauly,” he said with a big grin. “You want some Vitamin J?” Vitamin J was Adam’s pet name for his penis.

I looked up from the shallow end. “You know I always want the Vitamin J!” I replied, in the odd, Southern accent I picked up from hanging around him. I followed Adam into the pool house, which was a strange hut divided in two by a particle board wall. One side held all the pumps and filters for the pool, the other side was carpeted with a desk and some chairs, as if actual business would be conducted in a pool house in Syracuse.

We climbed behind the desk, giggling, and started having sex. I was on top and Adam lay happily on the ground. Despite being focused on the task at hand, I noticed the sound of a motorcycle. At first I thought nothing of it, but then I noticed that a man got off the bike and started walking towards the pool house.

As the man came closer I saw through the window that it was Adam’s boss. This raised a dilemma: his boss was clearly coming into the pool house, and Adam and I were naked under the desk, having sex. If the boss saw this, Adam would be fired and he would lose a good source of income.

Adam eventually realized that his boss was coming into the pool house. He looked at me, panicking, as the front door to the pool house open.

His boss walked in and I shot up from behind the desk, completely naked, giving him a full frontal view of all things Pauline.

“Excuse me!” I shouted. “But I’m trying to change in here!”

Adam’s boss’ face fell. He apologized profusely and scattered from the pool house. He hopped back on his bike and sped off.

Adam was still on his back, his eyes closed with relief. “Thank you,” he whispered as he got up and collected his clothes.

I was confused. “Don’t you want to have sex?” Public nudity was starting to grow on me.

Adam shook his head. “I’m taking you back to the apartment. That’s the only safe place for boffing.”

Later that night Adam came home from work, grinning again. He told me that his boss came back later in the afternoon with some chemicals for the pool’s filter. He also apologized profusely for walking in on me when I was changing. Adam assured him it was no big deal.

–By Pauline Millard

Post from: Crushable

Post from: Crushable

(The Frisky)

Post from: Crushable