LynnNChicago spoke with Brandi (thanks to ONTD for the heads-up) about the layout of each episode — there’s three parts, God help us — and especially the conspiracy against castmate Lisa Vanderpump. As Brandi tells it, Kyle Richards, Taylor Armstrong, and Adrienne Maloof met up before the taping to plan out how they would skewer Lisa. (Camille Grammer was apparently not in on the mean-girl plan.)

And what about Brandi? She doesn’t appear until the end of Part 1 and during that taping she was sequestered backstage, unable to see or hear anything. But when she came out, Lisa had already begun to cry.

“It was like Survivor, they meet up to go after one or the other,” Brandi said. “And so you’ll hear me say,’I’m sorry I couldn’t make the meeting’ they planned it all beforehand. They all decided to have a go at Lisa and it’s all silly, petty stuff!”

In Bravo‘s preview of tonight’s reunion, you can already see the ladies starting to gang up on Lisa at different points. Adrienne’s main beef is that Lisa called her branded shoes “the Maloof Hoof”—though she should be thanking her, since that’s probably leagues better than whatever Adrienne’s people came up with.

LynnNChicago asked if Bravo producers could have orchestrated, but Brandi responded, “No, I really don’t think so, no one at Bravo ever told me what to say, there was plenty of drama, there was no need for Bravo to create any.”

Brandi’s allegiance lies with Camille and, not surprisingly, Lisa. She didn’t keep in touch with the other ladies until they had to film the reunion special, and that managed to break down any truce she had with Kyle: “The reunion opened some old wounds; we were OK and then we had to rehash the past arguments. It brings it all out again. Kyle and I had some tough arguments, but when it comes to my parenting skills, and my kids, you just don’t go there.”

We imagine the Kyle/Brandi showdown will be saved for Parts 2 and 3. After all, Brandi hasn’t yet been asked back for RHOBH season 3, and that’s probably entirely dependent on how much sass she throws back at the other Housewives over the next few weeks.

Update: Part 1 aired last night, and not all of Brandi’s predictions came to pass.

Update: Part 2 was a little juicier for Brandi, with her accusing Taylor of exploiting Russell’s death.

Related posts:

• Taylor Armstrong Is Fighting With Fellow ‘Housewives’ Brandi Glanville and Adrienne Maloof
• 5 Reasons Why Brandi Glanville Is a Great Addition to ‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’
• 5 Facts About, and 4 Mean-Girl Tactics from, the ‘Real Housewives of New York’ Reunion (Part 2)
• Lisa Vanderpump Received A Mean Girls Assault At The RHOBH Reunion
• Brandi Glanville Accused Taylor Armstrong Of Exploiting Russell’s Death At The RHOBH Reunion (Part 2)

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If you can believe it, season 23 of Survivor premieres tonight! And while there’s a whole new batch of castaways for you to meet, we’ll leave that business to CBS. What we’re interested in is the fates of some of the Survivor favorites. Did Michael Skupin heal from falling into the fire? Is Richard Hatch currently in or out of jail? Did Ethan Zohn beat cancer? And don’t forget the View co-host who got her start on the island long ago… We tell you if karma was a bitch, or if these guys outwitted (heh) fate.

Related posts:

• ‘Survivor’s’ Richard Hatch Worried About ‘Real Housewife’ Teresa Giudice
• Fashion Flashback: Young Nathan Fillion Rocks Jorts and Roller Blades
• Neither Alicia Silverstone Nor Paul Rudd Has Aged Visibly In 16 Years
• The American Reunion Cast: Aging Winners and Losers

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• The Brief History of ‘Real World’ and ‘Road Rules’ Marriages
• 12 Awesome Lesser-Known Celebrity Marriages
• 10 Truly Real Moments on Reality TV

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It can work the other way too; with old shows coming out on DVD and stations like Nickelodeon brings back retro line ups, your favorite show now could reveal what you should have been watching as a kid and seriously need to catch up on.

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• TeenNick Brings Back ’90s Favorites, But Where Is ‘Roundhouse’?
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• ’30 Rock’ Preview: Will Forte In Drag
• Check Out the Low-Budget Russian ‘How I Met Your Mother’ Remake
• Video: Katy Perry Promos For ‘How I Met Your Mother’

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I have a real-life boyfriend named Brent. But I also have this habit of yelling, “That’s my boyfriend!” at guys who aren’t technically my boyfriend, guys on TV. (Sometimes in the movies too, although in that case, it’s more like a hushed, “That’s my boyfriend.”)

Brent doesn’t really love this. The smart part of him understands that he’s my world and I’m just expressing admiration for and attachment to other guys that I don’t know. The petty, jealous part of him says things like, “Describe me as a far-reaching visionary in your column. I like how that looks when it’s written down.”

Visionary or not, there can only be one “Boyfriend of the Week,” and that week this boyfriend is Rob Mariano, aka Boston Rob, who’s in the middle of competing on Survivor again. I’ve been into him for a long time, and I’ve been pretty vocal about that in our apartment, but I think the moment when he really won me over was when he suggested to the merged tribe that they name themselves “Murlonio” because it means “from the sea, united” in Spanish. A bunch of tribemates made the same wowed tongue-click my mom does when she watches a Barbra Streisand special. Way to go other Survivors because the word and translation were total bullshit! Cut to an interview with Rob laughing, saying that Murlonio is the name of one his wife’s stuffed animals. (I’d say more here about how Amber apparently keeps a stuffed animal collection, but I have too much respect for Rob to touch it.)

I mean, here’s a guy who’s in a lot of danger on the show because everybody’s freaking out about him winning the million dollars, and he’s still entertaining himself, his sleepy eyes twinkling with good humor. Sleepy eyes, sleepy voice, but the mind is as sharp as a tack! That’s my boyfriend! Even when Rob gets a little more serious in his interviews and talks about how the people he’s in control of better not step out of line… well, one, this is hot. Two, he still has a barely perceptible smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He never loses sight of the fact that this is a game, which maybe sounds obvious, but it’s something that almost everybody else who plays forgets the second they step on the beach. Despite their best intentions, they end up hurt and bruised, thinking that the person you are when you’re in a fictional CBS tribe is the same as who you are when you’re home listening to your wife talk about her stuffed animals. But that’s a losing mindset. And Rob knows it.

And that’s also why, if I were in Nicaragua, I would be right there at his side, informing him of the sad little plans other players were trying to put in motion against him. Also, I’d be laying off the crispy rice at the bottom of the pot because I know he’s just crazy about it. During this week’s episode I vowed to Brent, “I would tell Rob everything. No secrets between us. No broken threads of trust. And we would go to the end together.” Brent dismissively waved his arm in front of my face, saying, “You team up with him, and I guarantee you’d come back home to me a runner-up, and I’d be like, ‘Where’s the money, baby? You’re supposed to be a smart girl. A smart girl.’”

But Brent’s just too jealous to realize that is the smart game because I wouldn’t be playing as Rob’s passive floater. Rob and I would be a power duo, able to set into motion sly, unspoken coups. We’d know that the game requires making unsentimental decisions— even about each other— and that understanding would protect both our standing and our relationship as we mowed down our tribemates on our way to the final two. He would win some of the puzzles. I would win the rest of the puzzles and some of those balancing challenges that girls always seem to do better at. And at that final tribal council, when we had to get up in front of our peers and give our reasons for why we deserved to win, the voting castoffs would be so tortured by their impossible choice that when Jeff Probst began opening the scraps of parchment, they would all read, “Andrearob.”

As with Murlonio, another new word invented. Together.

Andrea Seigel has a website and a Twitter!

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Our Inbox today brought news of the 2nd annual TwiCruise, which is a 10-day high sea adventure with two people that were actually in Twilight (including our boy Chaske Spencer), and a lot of people whose job it is to look like the cast of Twilight.

Hosting this sparkling cruise event are The Immortals, a cast of tribute artists with an uncanny resemblance to the beloved Cullens .This 10 day tribute cruise to the Twilight Saga will include a Costume Event, La Dolce Vita Cocktail Party and Dance, Trivia Contests, Original Games, Twi-Cruisers Got Talent Show, Legends Karaoke Party and a Charity Auction with proceeds benefitting the Quileute Tribal Schools in La Push, Washington.

Quick question: Will you guys donate to the fund of getting me on this ship? Because I feel like this is something I need to experience.

Anyway, if you can’t make it on TwiCruise, here’s some other TV/movie themed boats you might want to board for a relaxing vacation.

Related posts:

• Interview: Chaske Spencer Of Twilight – A Hipster Werewolf?
• Video: ‘Harry Potter’ Cosplay In Grand Central
• ‘Survivor’s’ Richard Hatch Worried About ‘Real Housewife’ Teresa Giudice

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Richard, who served 3 years in prison in 2006 after he failed to report his Survivor earnings to the government, fears a similar fate for Teresa. In an exclusive to Life & Style magazine, Richard laments, “The IRS takes these opportunities with people who have a certain amount of notoriety and abuses us to try to further their interest in the public eye. It’s like marketing for them — they want people to pay their taxes…The government is withholding my passport and has kept me from earning a living since I got out of jail. Clearly Teresa is in a dangerous position.”

Then again, their situations aren’t exactly comparable: After all, most of the Giudice’s money doesn’t come from the paltry earnings she made from Real Housewives and her book, Skinny Italian: If she goes down, you bet her husband Joe is coming down with her. And that has nothing to do with being on TV.

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Movies: So many good movies hit theaters this week, after a glum last few weeks. Emma Stone (mostly known as that girl from Superbad) stars in her first leading role — as a girl who lets guys pretend that they’ve had sex with her in Easy A — and we can’t wait. And Ben Affleck is back in fine form with The Town, which he also directed. And, it stars our favorite actor of the moment Jon Hamm. Plus, Never Let Me Go, starring Keira Knightley, Hollywood It Girl Carey Mulligan and the new Spider-Man Andrew Garfield, opens Wednesday. And if you’re looking for something quirky to see, what about Alpha and Omega, a cartoon voiced by Christina Ricci, Hayden Panettiere, Justin Long? Or Jack Goes Boating, an indie directed by and starring Philip Seymour Hoffman along with Amy Ryan? Too many to choose from!

TV: Fall TV season starts to kickoff this week in full effect. Gossip Girl and 90210 are back on the CW on Monday, along with new MTV reality show The World of Jenks. Tuesday, new seasons of CW shows Life Unexpected and One Tree Hill debut, as well as new TLC reality show Sextuplets Take NY. A new episode of Survivor starts Wednesday and new Apprentice kicks off Thursday. We’re also excited for brand new food reality show Top Chef: Just Desserts, which premieres Wednesday. Yum. And Sunday, with True Blood over, we’ll be tuning in to HBO to see the debut of new series Boardwalk Empire.

Music: Two anticipated albums are out this Tuesday: Weezer‘s Hurley with our favorite Lost character on the cover and up-and-coming band 2AM Club’s What Did You Think Was Going To Happen, along with cutie Trey Songz‘s Passion, Pain & Pleasure.

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Why is that crazee-eyed hipster mountain man handing these ladiez money? Guest Of A Guest documented the frenzied action at the psychedelic Girls & Boys party at New York’s Webster Hall. During this time, they also scouted contestants for famous reality TV shows.  In Guest Of A Guest’s opinion, these peeps in this photo would be perfect for Survivor: Heroes and Villains, as in “I can be greedy and rugged!” Get GET PICS HERE.

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Delaina Dixon, aka TV DivaGal, is Crushable’s correspondent from the Television Critics Assocation press tour in Los Angeles. She is awesome, obsessed with TV and knows all the good part-ays.

If you’ve been giving up your Thursday nights for years to watch Survivor, you can finally get back to pre-weekend happy hour. At Television Critics Association press tour this morning, CBS announced that the show is moving to Wednesday and this upcoming season will be a tribe made up of over-fortysomethings versus one of under- thirtysomethings. My bet is on the over-fortysomethings since we know that other tribe will be too tired to get anything done after those late-night hookups. So the question now is … Will you watch youngins’ scrounge for food on Survivor or Liz Lemon scrounge for Hot Pockets on 30 Rock?

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