“But who was the upstart who challenges the king’s rule?” you might ask. For anyone who doesn’t watch reality singing competitions (like me), she’s a stranger. But her face has already been all over the television: It’s Melanie Amaro, the 19-year-old who won The X Factor in a surprise upset after she got eliminated and Simon Cowell brought her back.

In the commercial, King Elton keeps rejecting hopefuls who try and wow him with their singing ability in the hopes of scoring some Pepsi. I admit, when I first heard him intone what could become his new catchphrase, “No Pepsi for you,” I thought it was Seinfeld‘s Soup Nazi popping in for some extra cash.

Then up comes Melanie, looking like she came straight out of Your Highness or some equally silly medieval movie. Her rendition of Aretha Franklin‘s “Respect” was a bit dance-party for me, but it’s pretty damn effective. Here’s the commercial in full:

And here are the five facts we’ve compiled about Melanie.

1. Although she was born in Florida, she spent the first years of her life in the Virgin Islands because her parents couldn’t afford to take care of her. She says that the pain of only seeing her parents on school breaks and holidays was part of what pushed her to find an outlet through singing.

2. Her success is especially inspiring because there are so many reasons she “shouldn’t” have made it. We all know about Simon Cowell famously tracking her down at her home after he sent her home in the judges’ rounds because he realized what a mistake he’d made. But before then, Melanie was dealt a blow when she tried to audition at her local Fox affiliate for a “fast pass” to get on the show. They didn’t deem her worthy of going on, so she had to audition again, this time standing in line with thousands of people. Obviously she’s happy she did!

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You know who doesn’t make enough money? Beyoncé. It’s like someone give this woman a raise already! Luckily, that (brave) someone is Simon Cowell who supposedly stepped forward and offered Bey $500 million dollars to join The X Factor as a judge for the next five years. Just to recap for everyone, that’s 500 followed by six more zeros. If she accepts the job, it puts her and Jay-Z’s net worth at a little over one billion dollars.  To put things in perspective, that’s like one zillion more dollars than a blogger makes.

According to the rumors, Beyoncé’s considering taking the offer. Because, why not? Why not make a few hundred million dollars judging a talent show. Plus, she would get to hang out with Simon Cowell. And no one pulls off a fitted black t-shirt quite like him.  Oh, also she might need the extra income if the stories about her hiring six nannies for Blue Ivy are true. Extra, but necessary, help does not pay for itself.

But there is a downside to the whole affair. Not only does Simon get bored with his judges easily (goodbye Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger), but he’s also apparently courting Mariah Carey for the position. Let’s get the obvious out of the way. Cowell clearly has a thing for divas with new babies.  If Whitney Houston popped one out now, she’d be on the short list too.

Now the not-so-obvious question. If both Mariah and Beyoncé said yes to the position, would he hire both of them? Is there room for two huge divas on one reality show? Has that ever even been attempted before? Are there even spotlights big enough to shine on both of them at once?

So many questions, so few answers. All I want to know is who you would prefer to see as the judge.

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It’s a bloodbath at The X Factor! In addition to host Steve Jones and judge Nicole Scherzinger, today news got out that beloved good cop Paula Abdul has been given the axe as well. This leaves only LA Reid to fire. After that, if show creator/producer/bad cop Simon Cowell wants to fire anyone, he’ll have to fire himself.

Why did Paula get the boot? Many are saying it’s because her nicey-nice judging style didn’t mesh as well with The X Factor as it had with American Idol. “Because ‘X Factor’ requires judges to be mentors and to compete against each other, Paula couldn’t simply sit back and be the eternally understanding big sister,” writes David Hinckley of The New York Daily News. “She couldn’t just send all the contestants on their way by telling them never to give up their dream.”

There’s also the issue of ratings. While this past season of The X Factor did quite well, pulling in 12 to 13 million viewers per show, it fell short of the whopping 20 million viewers Simon’s old show, American Idol, pulled in.

To add insult to injury, TMZ reports that Paula got the news from lawyers connected with the show, not from Simon himself. He’s a busy guy, okay? I’m sure he’ll send her a fruit basket or something.

Ms. Abdul has yet to comment on her departure.

(Via TMZ)

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You know how your mom used to tell you not to make your face into horrible expressions lest it should freeze like that? I’m pretty sure that’s what happened to Simon Cowell around his hundredth smirk. Now he’s stuck giving everyone the perpetual stink eye whether he means to or not; friends, pets, even his beloved Kelly Clarkson. It is his cross to bear.

Singer Michael Bublé apparently didn’t know that when he performed on American Idol back in 2007, and thought it was personally directed at him. In a recent interview with The Radio Times, he described the effect Cowell-face had on him:

I had to sing Call Me Irresponsible in front of 20 million people. And the first thing I saw when I got on stage was Simon. I sang about four lines and he looked at me and did this [he rolls his eyes] and that was it, I was done. It killed me. My confidence dropped.

‘Maybe Cheryl Cole gets a little quiet and more demure when she loses her confidence. But I become aloof. I get the attitude of, “Oh really? Well, f*** you. You don’t like me? Then go **** yourself. I’m just gonna do whatever.”‘

Naturally, Bublé was upset, so he did what any mature person would do: he tattled to his friend Dannii Minogue, who then confronted Cowell about it, only to find Cowell had no clue what she was talking about. And Michael Bublé learned a lesson that day:

‘He was just probably sitting on his fifth hour of the show going, “Kill me now… and I’ve got to go to the bathroom”.

‘But I’m so sensitive I took it as a rejection. Anyway, every time I’ve ever talked to him since then he’s been incredibly nice.’

Stars! They’re just as pissy and insecure as us.

(Via The Daily Mail)

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Last night on The X-Factor, pint sized pop star and positive thinker Willow Smith debuted a new song called “Fireball” that is all about the degree to which she, Willow Smith, is (you guessed it) a human fireball.

She started things off with several ear-piercing squeals I suspect I’m almost too old to even be able to hear, followed by some not-bad singing, followed by some G-rated rapping. It seems like she (and/or whoever writes her songs for her) might be trying to bite M.I.A.‘s style a bit with those squeals and “world music” beats, only instead of murky radical politics, the lyrics are about Willow’s general joie de vivre.

And how, exactly, does one become “the fireball at the party” when the party in question is most likely some other celebrity spawn’s twelfth birthday? I’m thinking it has to do with eating a ton of cake, pinning the tail on the donkey, then taking a turn in the bouncy castle without throwing up. You know, fireball stuff.

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When asked what advice she’d give the X-Factor finalists, Willow said, “Just have fun because nobody can really go wrong with just being yourself up there. Just be yourself and don’t lose the fun of it!” It’s easy to say that when you’ll never have to be judged by Simon Cowell.

(Via Just Jared)

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Here’s the even-more-depressing thing about Thomas Lennon‘s tweet. Thomas (of The State and Reno 911 fame) is 41 years old. A person 15 years younger than him would 26. And 26 is the high end of the age spectrum for people who are cast in singing competitions.

So really, people who are 26 could lament that people five years older than them complain about striving attain last-chance success. Happy careers, everyone with singing aspirations!

And thanks a whole lot, Tom.

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Everyone is talking today about Stacy Francis, the 42-year-old single mother who wowed the judges on The X-Factor last night with her passionate rendition of Aretha Franklin‘s Natural Woman. And rightfully so! She did a great job (even if she was flat at times). However, after doing a bit of research on her, I found out the show was somewhat misleading in presenting her as a struggling single mother who sings only after her kids go to sleep at night. Stacy Francis has already had quite a bit of success in the music business, getting signed to a major label in the nineties and starring in several Broadway and West End (as in, London’s Broadway) musical theater productions. She has yet to attain mega-fame, it’s true, but she’s hardly in danger of dying, as she said last night, “with this music in me.”

In the early nineties, Francis was part of an R&B group called Ex-Girlfriend that was signed to Reprise Records. They put out two albums before disbanding in 1994; their biggest hit was “X Marks The Spot,” which performed well on both the R&B and Billboard Hot 100 singles charts. Since then, Stacy has worked frequently as a singer and actress, appearing in Broadway, West End, and regional theater productions, as well as various movies and TV shows. She booked her first Broadway show in 1997. As recently as a few years ago, she could be seen performing the Jennifer Hudson role in San Diego Musical Theatre‘s production of Dreamgirls.

Additionally, Francis is involved with the Church of Scientology and seems to have made some connections through that. Here’s a video of her performing at Tom Cruise‘s birthday party three years ago:

Tom and David’s big night out from Tom and David on Vimeo.

Discussing Stacy’s recent divorce and current appearance on The X-Factor, members of a messageboard for ex-Scientologists speculated that Scientology played a role in her divorce. (We know it’s recent because she and her husband were still married when their first son was born.) “Looks like her marriage ended, and I cant help but wonder if that is due to the church. I dont think her husband the dentist was all that into Scientology,” writes one person. It wouldn’t be the first marriage Scientology has broken up. Another person admits that Scientology may have helped Stacy gain confidence: “When you think you are an immortal spiritual being with super powers who can bend time and space with your postulates it does give you confidence. And that delusion is probably most helpful for a performer.”

None of this should discredit Stacy’s performance in the competition. If anything, the fact that someone could find steady work as a performer for so many years and still never break through to major label success shows just how hard it is to chase that dream. It also shows that she’s a person who takes initiative and goes after the things she wants, rather than some cowering abused woman held hostage for a decade by her baby daddy, a woman who just happened to miraculously find the strength to enter a singing competition at age 42, at which point an enormous voice came out of her as if by magic. But I guess it pulls on people’s heartstrings more to stick to the imaginary narrative?

On that token, I find it somewhat irresponsible how the show played on stereotypes about black unwed mothers; she refers to her ex-husband as “someone she met” and makes it sound like she’s raising her kids completely on her own. In reality, the man she was married to until recently runs a thriving dental practice and appears to be engaged with his children, at least in this Youtube video of him I found:

Again, he may very well have been a shitty husband who told her she’d never succeed in the music business, but why make it sound worse than it is? I think it does a disservice to Stacy Francis to distort and manipulate her life story in this way when the real story is plenty compelling on its own.

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As you may know by now, Simon Cowell is bringing his singing contest “The X-Factor” to America. As far as I can tell, it’s a lot like American Idol, only with no age limits and more menacing action movie music. A new eight-minute promo goes over what each judge is risking to be there (well, what Simon and former Def Jam chair L.A. Reid are risking), before showing us some of the contestants. It’s way gripping!

First there’s “Xander Alexander,” who is unnecessarily bitchy to Simon. He responds to a totally reasonable question with an insult. He is crazy! We don’t get to hear him sing, but he sure is sassy (odds on him making it into the competition?) Then there are a lot of people who try to sing, but can’t, which is funny. Then there’s an adorable 13-year-old girl who can sing, and it’s amazing! And a 42-year-old single mother who can really sing, and also cries a lot, which makes you, the viewer, feel like crying also. I laughed, I cried, and then I laughed again. Basically, this commercial will make you feel totally bipolar. It’s almost enough to make me want to watch it when it premieres on September 1st, even though I know they’re not going to sing any songs I like, because they pretty much never do. Good job, promo-making people. Good job, ovaries.

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Scrubbing up exceptionally well in a double breasted stone number, Matt blew the audience and judges away with his distinct voice and remarkable vocal range. Seeing off impressive contender Liverpudlian Rebecca Ferguson, the undeniable highlight was his rendition of ‘Unfaithful’, a Rihanna duet which was simply breathtaking.

Being known as the nicest of the X Factor contenders, Matt’s reputation for his down to earth personality was cemented by Simon Cowell himself, who remarked: “Matt’s one heck of a nice guy”. Currently darling of the media and mentored by Dannii Minogue, the future looks bright for the newbie on the block. As the former painter and decorator from Essex hangs up his paintbrushes indefinitely, he will be concentrating on life after the X Factor. Having secured a £1million recording contract with the potential to earn up to £5million via promotional and advertising next year alone, money doesn’t seem to be that much of an issue for the newly crowned King of the X Factor. Earlier this morning, Matt gushed his appreciation for his mentor, and said he wanted to buy Dannii a gift for all her support (told you he was a nice guy).

The gargantuan popularity of The X Factor is plain to see. Watched by an audience of nearly 20million, it makes for a formidable platform where dreams are made and broken in the name of entertainment. It is however, heart warming to see Matt’s progress over the past few months to his current in demand, star status. As Matt is now odds-on favorite for the enviable Christmas number one, I wish him all the success he deserves. Way to go Matt.

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