“Dear friends… amongst whom I include whomever may be reading this with a view to writing about the glorious marriage. Am blogging this cus media people are naturally seeking me. On sunday I will put up blog on whole day. Too glorious for words. For now though, as you will appreciate, it’s a bit of a ‘Can’t. Talk. Cock. In. Mouth’. Situation.”

All right, good to know! Mazel tov? Or is that some sort of a medical situation? We’ll stay on the case.
(via Gawker)

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• Somebody Please Have Sex With Sinead O’Connor

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The date of the wedding has special significance for Sinead who, by turning 45, has outlived her own mother. She explained, “I have now lived longer than my own mother, who died three months before her own 45th birthday. I’ve read that it’s a pivotal day in your life when you reach the birthday that your parent never saw, and here I am being married on it to the man I love.”

Sinead’s third marriage, to Steve Cooney, lasted less than a year, ending in April of 2011. But Barry apparently has high hopes for this relationship, saying, “This is the only time I will ever marry, and Sinead is the only person I am going to marry. This is a great day, and the beginning of many more great days.”

I have to wonder if Sinead and Barry met through that personal ad. They clearly have not known each other for very long, and he seems like an able-bodied young gent — just what Sinead was looking for.

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• Sinead O’Connor Is Embarrassed By Her Sex Talk, Wants to Kill Herself
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Twilight actress Nikki Reed wed American Idol contestant Paul McDonald over the weekend at a private ranch in Malibu. US Magazine released this photo of the couple, which will cover their new issue, on stands Friday.

Nikki’s Tocaro dress had a 72-inch train, which isn’t quite what you think of when you hear, “ranch attire.” The best part of the wedding has to be that Nikki’s man of honor was DJ Qualls. DJ Qualls, you guys! He outdoes Kristen Wiig as a member of a wedding party any day.

Nikki and Paul met only last March, and got engaged only months after they’d started dating. Here’s a photo of Nikki’s brand new wedding ring:

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Shannon Tweed married her longtime boyfriend Gene Simmons over the weekend, in an event to be televised on Gene Simmons Family Jewels. When I first heard Gene was getting married, my dumb brain thought I was hearing about Richard Simmons, and I was like, “What?! Dude’s getting married… to a lady?” But no, Gene Simmons is the guy from KISS, and he’s aggressively heterosexual. So much so that he’s been openly cheating on Shannon, with whom he he has two kids, for years. So maybe marrying Richard Simmons wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all. Here are 7 reasons why she should probably do that instead:

1. He would not sleep with other women. Obviously.

2. A personal trainer at home!

3. Richard’s middle name is Teagle. And Shannon Teagle Tweed Simmons has quite a nice little ring to it.

4. Great sparkly hand-me-downs.

5. He probably doesn’t eat very much, so, leftovers!

6. He has access to all the Swarovski crystals in the world. All of them.

7. I can’t think of a seventh reason. Hmm… how about Russell Simmons? Yeah, he’s a mogul! Shannon, marry him.

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It’s been more than three weeks and Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are still married! Which means it’s safe to release this new batch of wedding photos, complete with kissy shots and the wedding party. I suppose the two have to stay together for at least a little while — do it for the E! special.

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• Parting Tweet: No, Kim Kardashian Will Not Be Having a Second Wedding
• Video: This Kid Hilariously Trolls a CNN Reporter Talking About Kim Kardashian’s Wedding

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This vending machine has everything you need to have a wonderful wedding: rings, marriage certificates, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Okay, not Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, but those would probably stain your pretty white dress anyway.

Although if you’re getting married out of a venting machine, you’re probably not the type who’s into cream-colored Vera Wang gowns? This machine sits at a novelty shop in Detroit, but they can also be made to order, filled with all the wedding items you request. Just for you on your special, special day.

Anyone got 85 cents I can borrow?

(via)

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My goodness is it ever difficult to get information about those three wedding dresses Vera Wang designed for Kim Kardashian. Where’s Wikileaks when you need it? This is important stuff! Kim’s People cover hit the stands today, and we must say, she looks like a million-and-a-half bucks. People has also posted some sketches of the three gowns. Here they are:

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This blog has been pretty Kardashian-heavy today, but this post is just to inform you that it would be as Kardashian-heavy as it could have been if Kim and Kris were having a second wedding.

Could you imagine? Two weddings is two many weddings! (Well, one wedding is too many weddings if you ask me, but I just don’t like wearing white.) So, to clarify: party, not wedding. Okay.

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It turns out Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries didn’t have a monopoly on August 20th weddings: country singer Chely Wright married her girlfriend Lauren Blitzer on Saturday.

Chely and Lauren, who are ten years apart in age, tied the knot at a Connecticut ceremony. This came a year after Chely came out publicly, in People Magazine. We’re super happy for the couple, despite being slightly disturbed by how similar the two women look.

Right? They’re basically blonde doppelgangers, especially in twin white wedding gowns. Well, we suppose this is just a sign of high self-esteem.

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