First there was Supreme Leader Shabazz Aladeen‘s public statement about the death of Kim Jong-Il; now, the Republic of Wadiya has its own official website. You can read along in either Wadiyan or English, and learn about the weather forecast — like 30 Rock‘s mockery of North Korea, it’s “sunny all the time” — as well as the history of this grand, oppressed fictional country.

Of course, the best part is Aladeen’s biography, which charts his humble rise to power after his six siblings were killed in horrible Hot Wheels-related accidents, as well as his generosity to his country. Some selections:

His mother was an Air France stewardess who tragically died of an oxygen underdose shortly after Aladeen’s birth in 1982 – this fact means he is now 30 years old. Any photos you may have seen of Aladeen as a child in the mid-70s, including a great one of him at the premiere of Saturday Night Fever, were doctored by the corrupt Zionist Western media.

Tragically, Aladeen’s remaining three brothers perished in a typical suicide pact by simultaneously shooting themselves in the back multiple times with automatic rifles.

Part of his research managed to confirm that there’s not enough oxygen for a political opponent to survive at altitudes higher than 45,000 feet. In the same experiment, he confirmed that there is enough gravity at 45,000 feet for a political opponent’s body to return to Earth when thrown from an aircraft.

Aladeen also hosts, judges and competes in Wadiya’s Next Top Model which he has won for a record 14 years running.

The site is worth poking around, including Aladeen’s recommendations for other websites, like the “high end hookers” at Victoria’s Secret and the “funny” Western joke site the UN Commission on Human Rights. Plus, it turns out Aladeen is a big fan of sporting events, as evidenced by this new TV spot about the Super Bowl:

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Yes. It’s true. Willow Smith, famous for whipping her hair and being conceived by celebrities, shaved all her hair off and tweeted out a photo. Like the rest of the world I heard the news and made a joke to myself about how her famous song is now null and void. Then I moved on with my day.

However it appears that not everyone was ready to move on three seconds after hearing the news. In fact, some people took it so hard that they felt compelled to tweet about it — and tweet about it enough that it became a trending topic.

So in no particular order, here are the best Twitter reactions to Willow shaving her head:

[Photo courtesy of ABC News]

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He tweeted out a seemingly positive message to LC, though he quickly had to explain himself since his and her fans probably called bullshit immediately:

@LaurenConrad Happy Birthday! Thanks for helping me find my miracle wife @heidimontag !

My birthday wish for @LaurenConrad is for her to find true love like #Speidi

I wasn’t being sarcastic! I really do wish the best for @LaurenConrad on her birthday! #forgiveandforget

Mentioning the friend that Lauren lost because she chose him over her, and trying to get “Speidi” trending again even though it’s a horrid piece of pop culture slang we’d rather forget? Yeah, not helping Spencer’s case.

Ultimately, Lauren ignored Spencer’s attempts at reconciliation since she has a job as a style guru and seems to be doing pretty damn well without the crutch of reality television. Instead, she posted photos like this one of her wearing a birthday hat and trying to open a Hello Kitty champagne bottle, and joked that no one had wished her a happy Groundhog Day.

But according to a friend, Lauren really just didn’t take her former on-screen enemy seriously because Twitter isn’t the place for genuine apologies. “Lauren loves using Twitter to interact with her fans and promote her brands,” the source said, “but obviously she doesn’t think it’s an effective way to apologize or try to mend bridges… In this case, like others, she’s going to continue to do what works best with Spencer and that’s obviously to ignore him.”

Heidi Montag must be in on the reconciliation idea, too: They sent some flowers off to former co-star Kristin Cavallari, who’s pregnant with her first child. “Heidi and Spencer actually sent me flowers, which was really sweet,” she recently told Us. The way they left things on The Hills, Spencer got kicked off after threatening the producers, and Heidi was convinced that Kristin was doing drugs. But apparently bygones are bygones for Kristin; maybe it’s the baby that has her so forgiving.

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Bullshit artists, watch your back! Blue collar feminist/TV star/macadamia nut farmer Roseanne Barr has filed documents declaring her desire to be the Green Party’s 2012 candidate for President of the United States of America.

No, really. “I am pleased to announce that I am seeking the Green Party’s nomination for President of these United States of America,” Barr said in a statement. “The Democrats and Republicans have proven that they are servants—bought and paid for by the 1%—who are not doing what’s in the best interest of the American people. As a long time supporter of the Green Party, I look forward to working with people who share my values. Behold the greening of America!”

Following her announcement, Barr took to twitter to clarify her motivations for running, namely, to bring attention to the issues she believes matter the most: jobs, healthcare, and listening to the voices of all Americans, not just the ones with money and power:

I’m not sure the Green Party represents the middle way between Democrats and Republicans, so much as “what the Democratic party would be if it had any balls/was not already bought off by corporate money,” but I still support most of her sentiments. It’s a shame Barr has little chance of winning, but if she can bring these important issues to the attention of the actual winner, her run will have been worthwhile.

(Via E!)

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Awkward family photos. Look @billyraycyrus always giving face! she wrote, referencing her dad Billy Ray Cyrus‘ feathered hair and sexyface from the days when his single “Achy Breaky Heart” dominated the airwaves and no one knew the name Hannah Montana.

Miley herself was born in 1992 when “Achy Breaky Heart” was first released, so we’re assuming that she’s the smallest gal in this photo (on the right, near mom Tish). I can’t tell for sure, but I think that means the two boys on the left are her older half-brothers Christopher Cody and Trace; and the girl holding Miley is her older half-sister Brandi. Miley was the first child of Billy Ray and Tish, with younger siblings Braison and Noah being born over the next few years.

It’s sweet that Miley can reminisce on memories like this with her family. In late 2010, it seemed as if her parents were going to split up after 17 years of marriage, but about a year ago, in March 2011, they called off the divorce. It seems as if the Cyrus clan has been happy ever since.

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Remember when Mario Lopez was the coolest cat in town. No one could sit backward on a chair quite like Slater could. Sure he was a misogynist pig, but it was the ’90s and the only thing that really mattered was who got to deliver Mrs. Belding’s baby in the elevator. Then Saved by the Bell ended and Mario Lopez resurfaced as America’ most generic TV host. Forget his macho swagger and his neon sleeveless tanks, he was all boring and all grown-up.

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t still yearn for the days of yesteryear. When people looked at him and thought, “wow, Mario Lopez is totally tubular man!” (If I recall correctly, that’s how they spoke in the ’90s.) In fact, I think we have pretty good proof that he wishes he was still Slater.

Meet Julio César Chávez Lopez, his foul-mouthed Twitter-savvy dog.

While Mario has to tweet things like:

@JulioCCLopez gets to tweet things like this:

It’s like he gets to live in the best of both worlds: advertiser-friendly reality TV show host world and 15-year-old teenage boy forever world.

[Photo via Petsugar]

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Madonna‘s video for the annoyingly spelled “Give Me All Your Luvin” dropped today, and besides being one huge commercial for the Superbowl, it criminally under-utilizes guest rappers M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj. Oh, Madge.

The video depicts the 53-year-old performer inexplicably frolicking with a bunch of football players while Nicki and Maya literally cheer her on, pleated skirts, pom poms and all. How Madonna got M.I.A. to dress up as a cheerleader is anyone’s gue$$, but her face betrays her lack of enthusiasm for the endeavor.

The best part by far comes when M.I.A. and Nicki each spit out a brief verse, but it’s over way too quickly. Despite being dressed in a ridiculous combination of Madonna’s “Material Girl” and “Like a Virgin” outfits, each woman has the presence and personality necessary to overcome the layers of subservience Madonna has swaddled them in. (M.I.A. in particular looks like she wants to use her make-believe gun to slaughter everyone around her.) Is Madonna really that much of a diva that she can’t let someone else upstage her for more than a few seconds? And without wearing an unflattering blonde wig?

On the other hand, she might be right to be scared of them. These two artists are peddling something much fresher than anything Madge has created in years, and the more she lets them do, the more painfully obvious this becomes. It seems like she’s taken the maxim “if you can’t beat them, give them a small part in your music video and Superbowl halftime show” to heart.

(Via Idolator)

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ONTD found this bizarre blog called The Lady Gaga Project, which put out a call yesterday asking for Gaga fans who would be willing to bash Madonna on the internet. They’re asking fans to log on to Huffington Post, Towleroad, People, USA Today, and more and post negative comments going after everything from Madonna’s new “Gimme All Your Luvin’” video to her film W.E. to her muscular arms. Kids will get paid 5-10 cents per pageview.

It’s kind of scary how much they’ve thought this through:

Your comments must be at least five sentences long and cover one of the following topics:

1. Madonna’s new single is flopping. It’s getting bad reviews.
2. Madonna is a has-been. Lady Gaga is more current.
3. “WE” is getting really bad reviews.
4. Madonna is a copycat, not Lady Gaga.
5. Madonna’s Super Bowl show was awful.
6. Madonna’s body parts (mostly her grotesque arms).

More to come. Please be a part of our program. Take off work this weekend and earn money here! Thanks to Little Monster Salvatore and Little Monster Rebecca for donating money to this. Thanks to Little Monster Super Amanda for suggesting we do this in the first place. PAWS UP!

The horrible irony is, a few months ago Gaga announced the establishment of an anti-bullying foundation, Born This Way. Obviously Madonna isn’t vulnerable in the same way as a misunderstood LGBT youth, but the principle still stands. Although Gaga hasn’t yet responded to her fans’ crazy plan, in an interesting bit of timing she did scold them yesterday for insulting a teenager who had committed suicide in her “defense.” She tweeted:

Tweets about a 14 yr olds suicide in order to take a jab at me? Consider your integrity making fun at a dead child’s pain.

Direct your insults @ladygaga, I can take it. Don’t bring in those who are not alive anymore to defend themselves. Be braver than that.

I imagine the same advice stands for Madonna. This isn’t such surprising behavior, considering how passionate Gaga’s fanbase is. After all, this is the group that faked one fan’s death so that Gaga would tweet at her. But for the most part, Gaga welcomes this enthusiasm and love; that’s her crowd-surfing and straddling one lucky fan at Lollapalooza in the photo. Here’s hoping she nips this thing in the bud over Twitter as soon as possible.

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The Superbowl’s finally here! This  means that not only will Americans consume more wings and subs and dips than ever thought possible, but also that Madonna will emerge from her cocoon of everlasting youth to grace us with her presence at the halftime show. While I’m horrified of the thought of one of her arms flying off into the crowd when she gyrates with a back-up dancer born the same year as Lourdes, I’m excited to see her back in action. I mean, it’s Madonna, everyone loves her music and/or has danced drunkenly to it.

While you already know she’s a pop singer extraordinaire, I bet you didn’t that she’s also a love guru. Her lyrics are full of wonderful advice and maybe if we all take it, we’ll have our very own baby-faced boyfriend by Valentine’s Day.

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